Hidan's New Friend
by Andra Black
Summary: While in the bounty exchange market Kakuzu comes back out to see Hidan frolicking with a new companion. Warning for language and crack humor.


**Just a little something I wrote out of sheer boredom. Felt like my day needed a bit of humor and this is what I came up with ^_^**

**Hidan's New Friend**

Tanned, coarse fingers counted each fold of green currency almost delicately, then neatly stacked them before placing the tidy pile inside a secure, metal briefcase. Giving a curt nod to the dealer Kakuzu exited the trading post building, where his reckless silver haired partner waited, shockingly, patiently for him.

Hidan was crouched down, back facing the miser from his spot near the corner of the building, and arms hugged in front of him as he were cradling a child. Blinking in bewilderment Kakuzu strode over to the priest, admonishing himself for being curious over such a little thing, and heard the man giggling and cooing when he got close enough.

"You're a little cutie aren't you? So pretty and fluffy~" he sang out, head bowing to nuzzle whatever he was smothering.

"Hidan!" the miser snapped, getting rather annoyed, albeit disturbed by the Jashinist's odd behavior.

Said man turned his head in surprise at hearing his name, and gave a crude grin before holding up what he had been babying. The behemoth blinked owlishly at the chocolate brown almonds that blinked back at him with a mew.

"Get rid of it." he ordered gruffly, turning around to walk down the dusty dirt path, leaving the amethyst eyed man to sputter in protest.

"B-but I found her first stitch ass! I'm not fucking leaving her!" he exclaimed, carrying the fuzzball in one arm as he ran after Kakuzu so he could sheath his scythe.

The miser gave the albino a warning look.

"It's a stray, and it's filthy. Look at its fur." he said plainly, pointing at the sleek brown fur.

Hidan scoffed, petting the feline gently on the head to smooth out some strands that stuck out, to which she meowed in delight, pushing her head against his palm with a deep purr. The masochist smirked.

"That's the natural color of her fucking coat, stitch ass, in case you haven't noticed, and it's so fucking clean that it literally shines!" he commented, rubbing his nose against the furry animal's playfully.

"How do you know it's a female?" he questioned.

"Female cats are attracted to males whereas males try to fucking kill other males." Hidan answered, making kissing faces at the animal and turned his head to spit out when she licked his lips.

"Fucking gross man!"

Snorting at his partner's idiocy Kakuzu took another glance at the feline, only to find that she was no longer in Hidan's arms, or nowhere to be seen for that matter. Hidan shouted in dismay at losing his new companion.

"You probably scared her." the brute grumbled, hiding a smirk that faltered when loud shrieks of angry mewls were heard nearby, too near.

It sounded like two small, medium sized animals were fighting, and a second after he took notice of the fact, it stopped. The area was silent with a nervous tension that didn't settle very well in his gut, nor Hidan's, and they both looked worriedly at the bush where it was coming from.

The Jashin worshiper nearly jumped out of his skin when the shredded body of a ninja dog was tossed out, sporting a recently tattered Konoha headband.

"We were being fucking tracked down?" Hidan inquired, staring wide eyed at the unrecognizable dog that also had its tongue and eyes scratched out.

Seconds after the cat from before calmly walked out from the brush with her head held high in arrogance, as if being worshipped. Kakuzu's Christmas colored eyes narrowed at the crimson blood smearing her once flawless coat.

"Now she's filthy."

"Oh fucking come on! I get covered in blood all the damn time and you don't fucking complain!"

The taller man gave him an unamused look and continued walking.

"Ok, you yap like a fucking grandma on her period sometimes." Hidan corrected, tilting his head with a smirk to avoid the punch that was capable of knocking it off.

"Jeez man, don't get your panties in a twist." he teased crudely, looking down when he heard loud hissing.

The brown feline was glaring at Kakuzu, probably for attacking Hidan, hissing and spitting at the man who towered over her like a giant. That didn't stop her from leaping and latching all four pairs of razor sharp claws around his thigh, dangerously close to a place of major importance to every man.

Yelping in pain Kakuzu stumbled back, hopping on one foot, trying to kick the cat off and struggling the grab at her with his flailing hands. Hidan just stood there, laughing for all was worth.

"Get off you pest!" the miser shouted, now running around with the cat clawing his head, tearing his mask bit by bit.

Gathering enough wits to stop laughing the priest whistled sharply, and instantly the graceful yet ferocious animal perked her head up in attention to his summoning, and jumped off the mass of frizzy dark brown known as Kakuzu's hair, the upper half of his mask completely destroyed.

Meowing happily the cat climbed up the albino's leg, torso, and finally perched on his shoulder, licking her paws. The scratched up man growled at her, eyes set in a death glare that went completely ignored by both of them, for Hidan continued down the path.

"You're one fucking mean kitty, Milkshake." the immortal told the cat sitting her haunches on his broad shoulder, liking the name he had given her.


End file.
